But first I want to share a little bit of background information...
January 25, 2013. My big appointment was scheduled in July for January 25, 2013. At that appointment we would begin fertility treatments. IUI was first on the list. It was all set up. Time for my body to heal, time for my mind to prepare for what we would endure. (And my Dr. will tell you, even though we struggled to get pregnant, every test done came back fine, and my fertility monitor proved that my hormones and cycle lengths were just as they should be...so she still thought that it could happen for us without treatment. She actually really believed it would. I just didn't know what to think. All I could do was pray.) I was fine waiting for this short time. It seemed like nothing compared to the past year or two, and I was just thankful to have a new plan. I looked at the time as a time for us to grow spiritually and a time to do some things that we coudn't do if we had a baby. We took two beach trips during this time. :)
In early September, at a Women's retreat, I realized that I needed to surrender having a baby completely. I had before, but I just felt led to do it again, right then, because it was such a daily struggle for me. I felt such a peace afterwards. But then lo and behold about 3 weeks later random people at work started coming up to me and asking "Have you been back to the Dr? When is your next appointment? Can you go back sooner?" I felt kind of pressured and then one night didn't feel good about waiting anymore. I wanted to call Dr. McCollum up that instant and beg her to move up my appointment to October. Luckily, I talked some sense into myself and felt God's peace again...about our decision and about waiting.
10-3-12. The very next day I decided to take a pregnancy test (a cheap one at night). The odds were already against me...but that is what I do. I really used to be addicted to taking pregnancy tests. I would take two a day for weeks. We spent a lot of money on them and eventually switched to Dollar Store brand. I got better the second time around and I wasn't as obsessive. Until 10-3-12 when I couldn't wait until the morning to get a more accurate reading. I sort of thought I saw a shadow of a line. I brought the test to Matt and we analyzed it (so much for a big surprise this time...I just needed another pair of eyes to look with me). We felt a tiny bit of joy, but really just figured we weren't seeing anything. I think we were both trying not to get our hopes up. I also had some digital tests at home, but refused to take one yet. I didn't want to see "not pregnant" again.
10-4-12. I took a test both morning and night. The lines didn't really seem to be getting any darker, but I still thought I sort of saw something each time. It was killing Matt that I still wouldn't take a better test.
10-5-12. I woke up at 5:00am and was ready to take a "real" test. The house was pitch black and Matt was still asleep. I took the test, and just waited for it to change. In the past I would always set it down, go about getting ready, and then check back eventually because it was always...always negative. I think my heart stopped when the words PREGNANT showed up! It is strange how calm I felt this time. I knew that everything "seemed" perfect this cycle, but I just didn't believe it was true! Songs stick with me and seem to define moments for me. Christy Nockels', "Song of the Beautiful" was playing when I saw the result. Last time it was "You Revive Me". It is amazing how perfect these songs are for the emotions that I felt both times.
Instead of taking a shower and getting ready for work like normal, I got in the bathtub with my Bible and had a solid hour of prayer. Then I went and snuck into the "nursery" set the positive test in there and put our stork on our Happy Everything plate. I left the light on in the room and then started putting on my makeup. When Matt woke up he saw that there was a light on across the house and asked me if I turned it on. I purposefully didn't answer him. :) He walked in there and got to be a little surprised! He immediately wanted to pray for our baby! We were so excited! I don't know how I got through work that day!
When I got home from work that day Matt had a suprise of his own for me. He bought an acorn necklace made from an acorn and a pearl for me. An acorn means patience and pearl is June's birthstone. It was the perfect gift...so much meaning behind it. Baby Whelan also attended his or her very first Jacket game that night and got its first jersey or cheerleading uniform! :) We were secretly celebrating that night!
It is amazing how God's timing is always perfect. Always.
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