She Reads Truth: Soul Detox

I'm excited to begin a new plan with She Reads Truth tomorrow. I'm sure it will be awesome! I love having it as another tool to study with in the Summertime. I am just about finished with the book, Choose Joy. I have 3 other books/studies on my list and hope to purchase them soon. They are God Loves Ugly by Krista Black, What Women Fear by Angie Smith, and Kelly Minter's Nehemiah. I still have around two months to finish those, as our Fall Bible Study won't start up until mid-September. Anyway, She Reads Truth has been a great addition to my regular Bible reading and my longtime favorite, Jesus Calling.

I started with Soul Detox and basically zipped right through it. I didn't understand why I was going through it so fast, because I had a friend that was really dwelling on it, and I felt like I should've been too. In the meantime, I also started Living the Surrendered Life and felt like it was written just for me. Then, I started to understand. This may sound completely crazy to you. But I feel like my miscarriage was like a "soul detox" for my life. When I found out that I was pregnant I felt the most joy that I have ever felt. I truly felt revived and like the Lord was refreshing my spirit after struggling and doubting for so long. It was a great couple of months full of blessing after blessing. I kind of went through my miscarriage and D & C numb, although I didn't know it at the time. Everyone thought I was so strong, and handling everything so well. I EVEN thought so, but I just didn't know that I really wasn't handling it at all. I had so much to do and so much to get done, that I just pushed right through and thanked the Lord for helping me keep it together throughout everything. I couldn't have done it without Him, that is for sure.

However, when I started to slow down...because I 100% believed that the Lord was telling me that this summer needed to be a season of rest for my soul and body, that I began grieving I guess you can say. In that sense, this Summer really hasn't been fun. It's been hard. I was talking to one of my friends about my feelings and I asked her, "Is resting supposed to be painful? Because it is." I told her how bored I was and how I was trying to fill up my time by reading, checking Facebook, etc. and couldn't focus on any of it. And yes, it distracted me from the "pain" for a minute, but then I was left feeling the same way. On the days when I did realize what I was doing and stopped and prayed and asked the Lord to be my focus and help I felt so much better, not as empty and more content. Restful, not restless. (Sidenote: If you have not listened to Audrey Assad's newer album, Heart, you should. She sings songs that go right along with what I just wrote about.)

Back to Soul Detox. It focused a lot on toxic things, and toxic thoughts. Some toxic thoughts are ones that are negative, fearful, discounted, and critical. I promise you I had them all at the beginning of my summer. The plan suggested that you replace those thoughts with God's truth. That is exactly what I had to do and still have to do. Music is so powerful to me and although I love country music, literally all I ever listen to are my few Christian cd's that God put in my path. I love them. Tricia Brock's album was all I listened to throughout all of my tough appointments and even after coming home from the hospital. I bought the cd a week before my ultrasound appointment, just because. It is lifechanging. I didn't even KNOW that I knew the lyrics, but as I was sitting in an exam room waiting on Dr. McCollum to tell me what our next step would be, this was going through my head...
From silent rooms and heavy hearts
From city streets where all is dark
Each lifted cry our sin and want
You hear, oh You hear

From burdens weighty with regret
And sorrows we can not forget
You turn our tears to holiness
When You hear, oh You hear

Then when I was at the hospital a song that both she and Kristian Stanfill sing repeated on my brain until I was asleep...
Struggle surrounds me, chaos abounding
My soul will rest in You
I will not fear the war
I will not fear the storm
My help is on the way
My help is on the way

Oh my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always
I will not fear, His promise is true
My God will come through always
Always

I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord
I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord
I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord
I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord
From You Lord, From You Lord, From You Lord

When I got home from the hospital and then a few days later....I sat in the shower for hours and these words were what held me up...
I will trust and obey more and more each day
As You take Your place in me
And should I ever fail or stumble in the way
You will help me to my feet

When it gets hard You go before me as a shield
When its too late, You come behind me and You heal
Should my heart break when loves the only way
So be it Lord, may I be broken for love's sake

I was never angry at the Lord, I immediately knew that now I could help others who go through this, because I've been through it and know how hard it is. I knew that that was the beauty out of the process, and I think there is more beauty from it, I'm just slowly starting to see it.

I do know that I couldn't stand a second without having these powerful lyrics sung over me, or without reading His word, and clinging to His promises. So, without knowing it, I was replacing toxic thoughts and feelings with God's truth. I was getting a a soul detox if you will. And somehow I have become a little bit of a different person. I am changed because of what I went through. I've made some new choices. I was openly broken, and I'm stronger because of it. I am still scarred and there are times when I am still sad, devastated, and way more passionate and emotional about things than I should be. However. I'm choosing to believe this in those times. His plan is greater than any plan I could imagine. He is my hope.

Psalm 27:14
The Lord is the stronghold of my life. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart; wait for the Lord.